unpretty:

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

back-that-sass-up:

thedoctorsawkwardhufflepuff:

What really bothers me is that staff thinks it needs to make this site “safe for children” like have you seen this place? Get rid of the pedophiles and child porn by all means please, make it safe for teens sure, but no 9 year old should be using tumblr so I think you’re in the clear there. I don’t get it like what did staff just wake up one morning, and look at this site like

“…Hmm…”

GREAT USE OF JOHN MULANEY REFERENCE

GOOD JOB OP

beetledrink:

i got my DNA test results and theyre negative